"Normally I panic over turning a year older every year. Eventually, and thankfully, I got over it a few years ago. Whenever that familiar anxiety kicks in I just tell myself that everyone grows up and old, only at different paces and at varying times. Deep inside, another fact that tranquilizes me is that age does not matter when you look younger than what your age is (that can be a good thing, you know). Thank God for my mother's genes. :)
Today, weighing facts that I can look young for my age and that a year away from 25 does not comfort me as much as before. There's a whale of difference between turning 20 (back in the days) and almost turning 25. Especially for someone who has yet to achieve accomplishments as a professional and as a person. Turning 20 is not as dreadful as turning 24 (hence, one year away from 25, a few years from 30). I don't know why, but sometimes I worry that I don't feel old as I should. I tend to think that I have so much time to spend to live the life, and to do the things I dream of when I can be not so sure. Maybe it's partly because of the magic (and curse) of law school or taking up graduate studies right after college without any work experience yet. I have been a student for as long as I can remember.
Anyway, today I ask myself this question: Am I ready to turn 24? I wrote that in my planner yesterday and honestly, I didn't know what to answer. My mind tells me that I am ready, as I always have thought so every January. But my heart whispers that somehow, I am still not prepared to age another year."
My thoughts today:
Obviously, I didn't get to finish my draft. But I am thankful for that because right now, I know the answer. I am ready. But nervous. Yet thankful. I feel mixed emotions as the day comes nearer, but I don't make a big fuzz out of it as much as I used to before. I have grown mature to accept that people indeed do grow up (and old haha) and I can't stay in one age forever. I don't blame my studies for feeling too young, I have taken this upon myself and I thank God for these opportunities.
So in the end I have come to realize that NEVERTHELESS, I am excited for the things to come, the surprises to happen, the plans to be revealed. Everything is sound, and the worries belong to God. I can and will age, but my heart will always feel young. I know that for the years and days that add up to my age, I come closer to God's grand plan and to reaching my dreams. But for now, I will work on preparing myself for that. :)
Cheers to happy days! :)
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