And so I voted.

         

  I, along with my other classmates in law school, got an offer to work as paralegals in a town in Cavite on the day of the elections. Lured by earthly desires (i.e., money!) and without giving it much consideration, I decided to be a part of it, too. I planned to go through with it until several uhm, "compromising" circumstances surfaced to make me withdraw my participation.

               Well, for purposes of discussion, I would not want to drop names or go on a grandiose political rant in my blog. I would be focusing on a single detail. It might be safe to say, then, that my desire and right to vote prevailed over my longing for money. I do not kid in saying this, but the moment I felt the inner voice within me (or shall we call it, the voice of Antipolo? Or of God?) tell me that my town needed as much people who can vote for the right leader, that's when I knew I just had to vote. I dreaded the looming guilt I would have otherwise felt if I had ignored the desperate situation in our town and opted to gain a sum from a party that's opposed to my view and principles. I just knew I couldn't take in the guilt if the leadership of our town would be left to unscrupulous strangers.

                 And so I voted. I knew it was the right thing to do. Despite the lethargic disposition of some of my colleagues and friends, the negative comments of my father on the "futility" of voting, the widespread vote-buying and commission of election offenses in our polling place, I voted.

               Yes, you can say that what can a single vote do to turn around a competition? To answer, in the end,  it's not so much about making your candidate win. What's more important is your casting of the ballot, your exercise of the right to suffrage, your effort and desire to make a change in  your community. It may be a little bit too idealistic and for some people, absurd, but as long as MASA voters get easily swayed by these buffoons and their hackneyed promises, the situation will remain the same and the elections will continue to be one of popularity. When will the Filipinos learn, we ask. So much for change, we say. This country is doomed, we prophesy. We blame the MASA voters for being unconscious, unaware, gullible, improperly educated. But on second thought, a part of the blame SHOULD BE on our shoulders. In order to change the status quo, there is a necessity FOR US to educate the voters of exercising proper discernment in voting and whom to vote. And if for some reasons, we cannot, then the Filipinos should learn the hard way. I am up for that, if only for these Filipino voters who keep on electing the same set of officials with doubtful track records but surnames resonating with money and popularity to FINALLY LEARN that this country needs REAL TRANSFORMATION.

               And so I voted. I knew I couldn't turn my back on my country and my town. Certainly, it would take much more than money to make me turn away from my civic duty to participate in the elections. My father said it was an exercise in futility but I vehemently disagree. As long as there are people who are FOR REAL CHANGE, who have the guts to straightforwardly fight traditional politicians, the right to vote for this country will remain forever worthy. I remain hopeful for this country. Only that noone can stop me from cutting my eyes off those trying-hard politicians. You will have your time.

              God bless Antipolo, and the Philippines.

It's just about time.

Hay. It's always been like this. I would always feel the urge to blog, but then resort to my writing on my journal instead. Well, like what they always say, paper feels more genuine. But seriously, I know I should work on blogging more often now that it's summer break.

Anyway. The past few months have flown by so quickly, I almost fell off my seat, so to speak. A lot of things happened, most of them were among the most challenging ones I have had to go through yet. It included facing (and thankfully, overcoming) a looming breakup, dealing with issues at school, crying every other night for missing home, worrying about not doing enough to please my parents, feeling terrible for not talking to Him as much I used to.

Well, thankfully, it's all over now.
We're back together.
I've forgiven and let go.
I am home.
I understand.
I am starting to feel His Spirit again.

I can't stay I've been my best in those past months. But one thing's for sure, despite that. It's that I have always been blessed, no matter how undeserving I felt. And for that, I will never tire of thanking God. And it is for this reason that I am blogging now; to thank Him for everything.

Third year is over. I am a few days away from doing my OJT at this place, and a month or two from entering my fourth year. I guess it will always be unbelievable for me, that I am always a day closer to my chosen path. Years ago, it felt so distant. But now, I am about to be a senior, one who has taken all the required subjects, one that younger batches will have to ask tips from. It's still frightening, though. With all the expectations weighed on my shoulders.

One year from now, I will be graduating. And a few months from that time, I will be hurdling the big B. I might have to ask all the prayers I can get from my friends and family and from you. Please do pray for me. :) Thank you. :)

P.S.
I started this blog with the idea of separating my personal life from it. But I guess that could not be helped. So I may be sharing a part of me here, every once in a while.

P.S. x 2
May our celebration of God's resurrection this year be the most meaningful one. Please do take time to reflect, ask for forgiveness and forgive, go to church, and be with family. :) It will make God smile, I just know it. :)

Joy

I stumbled upon this quote today in one of my journals. I read it from the book A Million Little Pieces and thought of writing it down then. God whispered to me to open that journal again, after having stayed dormant for a probably a year already. And then I saw the Taoist quote herein illustrated. It struck my heart and soul again. So in order to constantly remind myself of it, I wrote it on my planner for this year, wishing and willing to make it my mantra not only for 2013 but for the years to come. Haay. I hope it empowers you as it does me. :) 

Thank You Lord for another surprise. 

One Day More

My draft seven days ago: 

"Normally I panic over turning a year older every year. Eventually, and thankfully, I got over it a few years ago. Whenever that familiar anxiety kicks in I just tell myself that everyone grows up and old, only at different paces and at varying times. Deep inside, another fact that tranquilizes me is that age does not matter when you look younger than what your age is (that can be a good thing, you know). Thank God for my mother's genes. :)

Today, weighing facts that I can look young for my age and that a year away from 25 does not comfort me as much as before. There's a whale of difference between turning 20 (back in the days) and almost turning 25. Especially for someone who has yet to achieve accomplishments as a professional and as a person. Turning 20 is not as dreadful as turning 24 (hence, one year away from 25, a few years from 30). I don't know why, but sometimes I worry that I don't feel old as I should. I tend to think that I have so much time to spend to live the life, and to do the things I dream of when I can be not so sure. Maybe it's partly because of the magic (and curse) of law school or taking up graduate studies right after college without any work experience yet. I have been a student for as long as I can remember. 

Anyway, today I ask myself this question: Am I ready to turn 24? I wrote that in my planner yesterday and honestly, I didn't know what to answer. My mind tells me that I am ready, as I always have thought so every January. But my heart whispers that somehow, I am still not prepared to age another year."

My thoughts today:

Obviously, I didn't get to finish my draft. But I am thankful for that because right now, I know the answer. I am ready. But nervous. Yet thankful. I feel mixed emotions as the day comes nearer, but I don't make a big fuzz out of it as much as I used to before. I have grown mature to accept that people indeed do grow up (and old haha) and I can't stay in one age forever. I don't blame my studies for feeling too young, I have taken this upon myself and I thank God for these opportunities.

So in the end I have come to realize that NEVERTHELESS, I am excited for the things to come, the surprises to happen, the plans to be revealed. Everything is sound, and the worries belong to God. I can and will age, but my heart will always feel young. I know that for the years and days that add up to my age, I come closer to God's grand plan and to reaching my dreams. But for now, I will work on preparing myself for that. :)

Cheers to happy days! :)

Of Beginnings

Happy New Year, everyone! :) :) :)

How was your Media Noche celebration? How are those New Year's Resolutions coming along? :)

Finally the biggest "yearly chance to begin again" has come. Although of course in reality it is just a continuation of our God-given lives, it still feels good to believe in second chances and beginnings. There's just something exciting with the prospect of getting to start all over again. Somehow, everything's a bigger adventure that way; we feel as if we can do absolutely anything we've ever wanted. And I think It's a blessing that we are kind of ensnared by this tradition for at least once a year, everyone's perspective is refreshed with optimism for one can never be too optimistic.

Obviously, I love New Year's as much as I love January and beginnings. But before I list down my Resolutions, I first give thanks to the Lord for 2012 which has been remarkable for the following highlights:

• 23rd Birthday! (I had exams that day, and I wasn't able to go home or celebrate with my family but my friends, boyfriend and dorm-mate found a way to surprise me and they all made my day. Thank you Coco Girls, 2A friends, Max, Irish for that)
• Meet and greet with David Archuleta! (Not once in my life did I think that I'd be able to meet that dazzling young singer until my boyfriend got to work with him. David was so friendly and humble and accommodating! Thanks Max for that chance!) 
• Having the chance to fly Japanese lanterns (On Valentine's Day, at the UST field, with close friends - It couldn't have gotten any better than that)
• Finishing 2nd year of law school and moving on to my 3rd year (With the best circle of friends I could ask for in law school)
• Po the iPad :D (The Law of Attraction is true!)
• 2nd Anniversary (Everything went perfect, even the downpour as we went home)
• Loved-ones' birthdays
• And all other small things that reminded me of how God worked/s in my life

For my Resolutions, suffice it to say that I haven't given it much thought yet. But you can expect some bullets on reading on world history and news on international affairs etc, travelling, learning to play a musical instrument and getting to perform again. I pray for the determination to do them all. :)

I know I have been blessed, as you have been. And pray that as you are reading this, you are sure that despite the setbacks, the failures and challenges that 2012 have placed upon you or that you have gone through, you have a new beginning this 2013. May we open our hearts and allow God to work in your lives in His own ways - through the people we meet, the experiences we collect, the challenges we face, the places we go this year. May we feel this hope every day - after waking up, before going to bed, or any time in between. After all, to be happy we must be thankful for every moment - not only in retrospect as a year-ender.

Happy New Year, beautiful friends!

BE AWAKE AND FEARLESS, this 2013!

To Be Awake and Fearless

And we're on!

It feels good to be blogging again! After several months of just letting those concepts-worthy-to-be-written-about just stay in my mind and keeping myself busy with law school what-not, I finally came face-to-face with blogger and clicked the new blog link. Actually, I tried resurrecting my old blog (fivestarmaria.blogspot.com) as I once edited the privacy settings and disallowed practically everyone from reading my entries therein. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my way around it so here I am: AWAKE AND FEARLESS. Yes!

It took me a couple of minutes to come up with a new blog name. I was considering: any one of my nicknames, beautifulmornings, practically just about other words that emit positivity. Almost all of them weren't available, except this! So why did I choose Awake and Fearless? Personally, I believe that if it were not for our human needs, I would choose to stay awake all the time. Just imagine how much we could accomplish during the hours we spend for sleeping! Learn the history of the world and the great civilizations, explore new and different places, get to study for recitations (haha), do the other things we've always wanted to do but cannot for lack of time! Oh, what joy! But since staying awake 24/7 can be exhausting and basically not possible, and not to mention unhealthy, it's the other connotation that applies. 

AWAKE. For me and for this blog it means being observant. From the micro to the macro. From your home, most-loved places, personal experiences and their meanings, to the world and what's been keeping it on its toes and what people have got to say. It likewise means being aware of and open to possibilities and opportunities. Knowing your dreams and ambitions. Knowing and feeling that you only live once and that it is up to you to make it worth living and to make your dreams and desires come true. And if I could add another: knowing the importance of living TODAY.

FEARLESS, on the other hand, means acting on your dreams. Life is a cycle of uncertainty. Everything rests in God's plan. I am a believer of that. So it may happen that for a moment, things may seem unsteady and you do not know what to expect, but be FEARLESS believing that no matter what it is you are going to end up where you were meant to be. To be FEARLESS also means knowing that something scares you but having the courage to get through it to emerge as a more mature individual who is able to take on challenges and their consequences. Needless to say, you should be GOD-FEARING nevertheless. After all, He is the ultimate Judge of the rightness of our actions.

So these are the two things I'd like to be and to stay as (eventually) for the years to come: AWAKE AND FEARLESS. Sometimes we lose sight of how we want to become as individuals but hopefully visiting this blog will remind me relentlessly of the person I was and the person I want to be. Amen. 

I am hopeful to fill this new space with fun photos (because I love taking photos) and stories of the places I will get to visit this 2013, of the dreams that will have become true (i.e., graduating from law school and becoming a lawyer within a year afterwards), of my interactions and adventures with people that inspire me and of all other possibilities! :)

So to you and me, BE AWAKE AND FEARLESS. ;)